what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
