only you would photoshop your dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
