i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
