She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
