Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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