i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My vagina just clenched in fear
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
