My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
