i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
