Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
