I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
