i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
