I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
