I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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