just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
