I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
