It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
