sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
