but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
