The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
