You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
