I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
