It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
