just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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