Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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