I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
