Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
