youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
