Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
