just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
