i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
