Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
