Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
