Just mADE A PArabola og urine
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
