I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she woke up with a sticky ear
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
