I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
