god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
