do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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