Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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