Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
