Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
