Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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