The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
