Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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