batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
