i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
