Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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