I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
