it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
