He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My vagina is very pro this idea
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
