The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
