i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
