We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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