hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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